Discernment
by JadziaKathryn
Summary: T'Pol must sort through conflicting memories. Complete!
1. Awakening

Disclaimer: They aren't mine.

A/N: This is my finale fix. I'm actually not certain whether or not I'll continue with the piece, but I think it's fairly contained and hope everyone enjoys it.

**Discernment**

"Ah, Commander, welcome back," was the first thing T'Pol heard when she woke up. Dr. Phlox was standing over her, smiling.

"You had us worried for a while there," said Trip.

_Trip?_

"Doctor, I believe that I am hallucinating. I can see and hear Commander Tucker."

The doctor frowned. "Commander Tucker hasn't left your side since you were beamed in."

"He has been dead for a week."

"What?" exclaimed the alarmed voice of Trip.

"I assure you, he is alive and well. Although he could use a full night's sleep." The last part was mentioned with a reproachful look.

Then T'Pol found herself experiencing emotions that were not her own, and yet were familiar. Relief, concern, confusion – they were Trip's feelings.

_Trip's feelings? _That should not have been possible. They had chosen to allow their bond to remain as latent as possible. It had been six years since then, and the bond was hardly noticeable anymore. Besides that, he was dead.

"Can't you do somethin' for her?"

"We don't know how the Kelari device affected her, Commander. It may have interfered with her memories."

"There were five of them," she said suddenly. "I attempted to fight, but I was outnumbered and my left arm was injured in the crash. Ensign Matterson was unconscious at that point. We were taken to a facility…" she trailed off, confused. She remembered being pulled away by three rough aliens, thinking of Trip alone in their quarters. That did not seem possible. She vividly remembered his death, and they had never shared quarters.

Phlox spoke up. "Ensign Matterson was released two days ago. He was dehydrated and unconscious, but suffered no long-term damage."

"What did they do to you?" asked Trip's voice.

"I am uncertain," T'Pol confessed. "My memories of the last six years are conflicting."

"How so?" asked the doctor, taking out his scanner.

"I recall deciding with Commander Tucker not to pursue a personal relationship, and then I recall details of our shared quarters."

"We've been married over four years," said Trip. She was beginning to believe that he was, in fact, alive. His emotions were too real.

Then she remembered a turning point in their relationship...

* * *

Both Trip and T'Pol had been busy all day, as they were aiding the Vulcan ship _Bretai _repair damage sustained during an ion storm. After the long day, T'Pol was content to meditate. She lit her candles and settled in to position.

She was accustomed to sensing Trip's chaotic emotions, and had grown adept at blocking them out. Try as she might, however, his anxiety was overwhelming. After several unfruitful minutes, she stood up and made the short journey to Trip's quarters.

"C'min." He was still in his uniform and did not look like he was attempting to sleep. She wasn't surprised.

"I thought you were goin' ta meditate?" he said from his seated position on the bed. Suspiciously, Trip avoided making eye contact. Lieutenant Reed insisted that avoiding eye contact was a sign that someone was "up to something."

"I cannot meditate. Your anxiety has grown all day, and it is now quite disruptive. Would you like to discuss something?"

"I haven't found the right words yet."

T'Pol crossed her arms. "Trip, I would like to meditate, but your anxiety level is making it impossible. It is a cause for concern, as such anxiety is unhealthy."

"Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. I've just gotta find the right words."

She sat beside him on his bed. "Would the wrong words suffice?"

Trip finally looked at her. "Okay, but you asked for it." He took a deep breath. "I was thinkin' about how Priestess T'Lei is on the _Bretai_."

"This is a cause for concern?"

"No, it's not that. I'd just, well, I'd like ta make an honest woman out of ya." That said, he looked quite relieved.

She was perplexed. "You consider me to be dishonest?"

He sighed. "I knew I didn't have the right words. It's just an old sayin' that people use. I wanna make it official, T'Pol. I wanna make _us_ official."

Comprehension dawned on her. "You wish for Priestess T'Lei to marry us."

He nodded enthusiastically. "It's perfect."

"Would you not prefer to have a traditional marriage from your own culture?"

"I just wanna marry you. T'Lei, Jon, it doesn't matter."

"Captain Archer is qualified to perform marriage ceremonies? I was unaware that he had fulfilled the necessary requirements."

Trip laughed. "Captains can marry people. It's an old tradition. Don't ask me how it started, though. Maybe Malcolm knows, but I sure don't."

She considered this information for a moment. "Perhaps we could incorporate both into a ceremony," she said after a moment.

"So your answer is yes?" T'Pol had not seen Trip look so happy since she agreed to their first public date.

"We are bonded, and I cannot imagine my life with anyone else."

"Woohoo!" Quite unexpectedly, he stood up and pulled T'Pol up as well. She found herself momentarily airborne as he swung her around.

When he put her down, he looked at her shocked expression. "Too much emotion?"

"No. Too much motion."

"Sorry."

One thing was still unclear. "Why was your proposal causing you so much anxiety?"

"I was afraid you'd say no."

"That fear was unfounded. I am quite pleased."

"So am I."

T'Pol looked at Trip fondly. "Tomorrow we will speak with Priestess T'Lei and Captain Archer."

"Sounds like a plan. By the way, how do you feel about wedding rings?"

She thought for a moment about the rings that she had seen and the emotional significance they carried. "I believe that, due to the short nature of our engagement, an 'engagement ring' will be unnecessary, but I am not opposed to a discreet band."

He leaned over and kissed her. "I love you."

"That is fortunate, because I cherish you as well." At that, Trip smiled broadly. He had been disappointed when his earlier profession of love went unrepeated, but T'Pol had held her emotions back. His desire for a lifelong union removed the last remaining barrier for her. There was no reason that she should not tell her betrothed how much he meant to her.

"Sweet dreams, T'Pol."

"Goodnight, Trip."

She returned to her quarters and prepared to meditate. Still, she was unable to focus. She blew out the candles and returned to Trip's quarters.

"Back again?" he asked.

"Your elation is interfering with my meditation. I have concluded that that I should discontinue my attempts."

He nodded. "Very logical."

Wordlessly, she took off her shoes and sat down on his bed. He joined her, and they fell asleep there, Trip's arm wrapped protectively around her shoulder.

* * *

In Sickbay, T'Pol saw Dr. Phlox looking intently at her the readings from his scans. "When was the Federation Charter signed?" she asked.

"It's not gonna be signed for another two months." Trip was extremely agitated.

"Doctor?"

"Commander Tucker is correct."

"You are certain that he is alive?"

"Positive."

T'Pol considered her conflicting memories for a moment. "I believe that the Kelari created false memories," she concluded. "Days before the signing of the Federation Charter, Shran approached us. We had believed him to be dead, but he had merely gone into hiding, as former business associates of a disreputable nature believed that he had cheated them. They held his daughter hostage."

"Shran's daughter won't be born for another month!" She could sense Trip's confusion and anger, reinforcing her belief that he was, in fact, alive.

"She was five years old."

"Commander Shran has a son who is five years old," suggested Dr. Phlox.

She vaguely recalled receiving a long-range transmission several months prior. Ensign Sato had informed them that it was Andorian. _Pinkskin_, it began in Shran's voice, _I thought you might be interested to know that my daughter will be born in six months._ Ensign Mayweather had commented on the strange nature of the friendship between Commander Shran and Captain Archer.

"We retrieved his daughter by tricking her kidnappers. They caught up with _Enterprise_ but were stopped by Commander Tucker. He was able to deceive them, and they did not survive the experience. Neither did he." She did not mention that she had wondered what it might have been like, had she and Trip pursued a relationship.

"I'm right here, T'Pol."

"Indeed. Your chaotic emotions are unmistakable."

Dr. Phlox chuckled. "I'd like to keep you under observation for another day. We don't know what the Kelari were trying to do or how the device worked, but I am confident that you will make a full recovery."

Captain Archer, who had presumably been notified that she had woken up, strode into Sickbay. "Good to see you, T'Pol."

"Thank you." She was quite tired; it seemed that attempting to discern the difference between real and false memories strained her injured body and mind.

Phlox saw her struggling to stay awake. "You need to rest, Commander. You've been through quite a lot in the past few days."

"May I have a drink?"

"I'll get it," offered Trip.

Captain Archer looked at her with concern. "How are you?"

"I am disoriented."

Trip, returning with a glass of water, explained further. "That thing we found her in apparently made a whole lotta false memories." He held the straw up for T'Pol a she sipped the cool water slowly. Undisguised disgust came through his words. "She thought I was a hallucination when she first woke up."

"The timeline created in my mind was not as pleasing as reality," conceded T'Pol. "Trip was killed."

The captain frowned. "It must be nice to find him alive and well."

"Indeed. However, I still have many conflicting memories that will require meditation."

"That will have to wait until you've slept," said Dr. Phlox. "Your body has been under a good deal of stress."

"How long have I been unconscious?"

Captain Archer answered that question. "We're not sure. We lost contact with the shuttlepod for two days before we found you. That was three days ago."

"There will be time to answer more questions when you wake up," admonished Phlox.

"Very well." T'Pol closed her eyes and prepared to sleep, with Trip's hand over hers. The last thing she heard was Dr. Phlox and Captain Archer attempting to convince Trip to go sleep. It was a wise idea, but she was too tired to tell him so.


	2. Coming Home

A/N: Thanks to all who left a review! I took some comments into consideration when forming this chapter, so I hope you enjoy. I plan to have one more chapter in this story.

A/N 2: I'm sorry that this took so long to update. Partially it was deciding whether or not to continue, and then has been acting up.

Disclaimer: I haven't gotten the rights since chapter one.

**Discernment**

"Remember, Commander, do not exert yourself," said Phlox as Trip and T'Pol were going out the door.

"I'll keep an' eye on her," replied Trip.

"With your record, I'm not quite reassured."

T'Pol raised an eyebrow. "Dr. Phlox has a valid point, Trip. You have proven yourself to be a difficult patient."

"I'm glad you remember that, but you're not the easiest patient either." He turned to Phlox. "Who is the easiest patient anyway, Doc?"

The doctor had gone over to water his recently-acquired Trolikan soothing plant. He looked up and answered without missing a beat. "Porthos." Trip's laughter bridged the gap between Sickbay and the outside world.

On the way to their quarters, Trip looked at T'Pol with great concern. "You're really confused, huh?"

"I can recall walking to my own quarters for the past six years, but then I remember when we returned from our honeymoon."

* * *

Captain Archer had sent them off on a 'honeymoon' shortly after their marriage. It was a tropical planet, uninhabited by sentient beings. They spent four pleasant days there, camping. T'Pol had not expected to enjoy the wilderness experience, but both she and Trip relished the time spent, in his words, "alone together." 

"Welcome back, Mr. and Mrs. Tucker," said the captain when they returned. "How was your honeymoon? I wish it could've been longer."

"I do not intend to change my name, but we had a pleasant time, thank you."

"We know ya had to pull some strings for the time we had. Thanks." Trip had acquired a tan during their stay, and his wide smile stood in contrast to the darker hue of his skin.

"You'll be happy to know that we had an uneventful four days. Not much happened while you were gone." The captain knew how much Trip liked to return to a smoothly-running warp core and no catastrophes.

"There was a spectacular sunset down there. It was real purpley. We watched the sun set, had s'mores…it was great!"

"How'd you like s'mores, T'Pol?" asked Captain Archer.

"They were quite sweet, but palatable. I do not intend to eat them often, however." She considered for a moment, then added, "The 'ambiance' contributed to the food greatly."

The captain smiled. "Sounds like fun." They entered the turbolift, and T'Pol wondered why Captain Archer was escorting them back. Down on the planet, she and Trip had discussed living arrangements, and come to the conclusion that she would move into his quarters. As she had less material possessions to move, it was logical.

"Did you take pictures, Trip? I'd like to see this sunset."

He smiled. "I took some. This remote-control camera," he held up his latest contraption, "is a great thing." A project in the works for some time, Trip's 'souped-up' camera had gotten its first use on their honeymoon.

"I'm glad that worked out. There was a pool in Engineering on how many pictures you'd take, by the way."

"How many did you guess?" T'Pol was surprised that Trip expected Captain Archer to participate, as he often acted indignant when his friends participated in such pools.

"Sixty-two."

"Sorry, Jon. I didn't take half as many. Who's runnin' this pool, by the way?"

"I'm not at liberty to say."

"Hess." The captain didn't reply, and Trip turned to his wife. "That means I'm right. I guess you don't wanna have a slide show, huh?" The trio walked out of the turbolift and through the corridor, earning smiles from passing crewmembers.

"No, but we can select a few photos to 'show off' if you wish."

"We can frame one!"

"I want a copy," added Captain Archer. "Here we are." An unrestrained smile broke out on his face. "Welcome home!"

Both the door to T'Pol's quarters and the door to Lieutenant Reed's adjacent quarters were open. Between them hung a banner with _Congratulations Trip and T'Pol! _painted on in bright blue letters. Neat Vulcan script was below in red.

"Wow!" Trip, whose grasp of the Vulcan language was progressing but still rudimentary, leaned over and pointed to the second line. "What's that say?"

"'Prosper together," translated T'Pol.

"Hoshi says it's a traditional wedding wish," interjected the captain.

"It is." T'Pol had expected some sort of celebration from her crewmates, but not of the kind they received. It was quite emotional, but that did not bother her. She was honored that her crewmates thought their marriage worth the gesture.

"Welcome to your _shared_ quarters," said a chorus from inside.

"Wait!" called Trip. T'Pol hesitated, and he picked her up.

"What are you doing?"

"I'm carryin' ya across the threshold."

Partially enlightened, she looked around. The wall dividing her quarters from Lieutenant Reed's had been removed, and Trip's belongings were now where the lieutenant had lived before. In the center of their quarters stood both beds, joined together. The frames had been welded, and the mattresses joined as well.

Ensign Mayweather, Doctor Phlox, Lieutenant Reed, and Ensign Sato stood inside smiling. Trip put her down, and T'Pol found that the pleasure he derived from carrying her over the threshold was worth the somewhat undignified experience.

"We didn't know what to get you," began the captain, "but we thought you might like bigger quarters. Malcolm offered to switch."

Trip walked around, examining their new living arrangement. "This is great!"

T'Pol marveled at the joy the rest of the senior staff appeared to derive from giving their wedding gift. It was a characteristic of humans that she found overlooked by most Vulcans, although there were some who slowly began to challenge that thinking. It was an emotional experience to be sure, but the delight evident on her crewmate's faces when their work for others was appreciated was a trait that she considered admirable.

At last she spoke her gratitude aloud. "Thank you for this considerate gift." She thought of something Trip had once mentioned about useless presents. "It is a present that we will use frequently."

In response, all of her crewmates – and yes, she supposed, they were friends as well- laughed.

* * *

She sat down as Trip lit her meditation candles. The flickering glow was familiar and comforting, as were the loving emotions she felt from Trip. Wordlessly, he took her hands and began to breathe in the same rhythm as T'Pol. 

In the "white room," as he called her meditative state, he asked, "How much do you remember about the crash?"

"Ensign Matterson informed me that the debris-laden nebula had caused several microfissures in the hull. We were unable to repair them adequately. I attempted a safe landing, but he was thrown against his console and lost consciousness, and my arm was injured. I could not tell if it was broken or not, because nearly as soon as we landed we were boarded. The boarding party consisted of five individuals, all heavily armed. My attempts at fighting were of no use. They had a strange weapon that shot out rope and snared me. Once bound, we were carried to ground vehicles…" T'Pol trailed off. "I believe that I was given a sedative at that point."

"Oh boy, Malcolm's gonna love this rope gun," mumbled Trip in a poorly disguised effort to rein in his anger. The thought of his beloved wife being treated so badly made his blood boil.

She felt the stirrings of another memory, but though she could detect its presence T'Pol could not recall the actual event. She drew heavily on Trip's strength to pull the memory to the surface. He imagined it as if they were slowly pulling a rope from deep water. With their sustained and combined effort, the memory surfaced.

The sedative had worn off, and a masked face leaned over her bound form. Deep black hair was the only visible characteristic of the individual before her, who was talking with a colleague out of her sight. A shot was injected into her shoulder.

The translator picked up on two phrases, which could indicate that the individuals who abducted her were from a species _Enterprise_ had encountered. "Legendary Vulcan control," she heard, followed by a series of unintelligible sounds. Then, right before she lost consciousness again, "ideal test subject."

Angry at what T'Pol suffered, Trip suggested, "Maybe we should stop now."

"Recalling the events has been more tiring than I anticipated. Though I wish to consider more memories, I believe you are correct."

They gently broke of the meditation, and Trip offered his hands to pull T'Pol up. "We'll get this sorted out, you an' I."

She looked into his eyes and basked in the love, admiration, and respect he felt for her. "I know."


	3. Love Runs Through It

A/N: This is the final chapter; thanks to all who have left kind reviews and given me things to consider. I tried to incorporate some suggestions in this chapter. Also, many thanks to my dear cousin (who goes by Silvawolves), for helping me through some technical difficulties.

Disclaimer: Nothing has changed. They still belong to Paramount, who abused them shamelessly.

**Discernment **

T'Pol rose out of bed and noted that Trip was soundly asleep. Not wishing to wake him, she quietly lit her candles and prepared to meditate. Her mate's peaceful sleep made it easy for her to slip into her meditative state, and she began to consider her memories. Events from two versions of the past six years were jumbled in her mind, but T'Pol was certain that if she could sort each timeline into a sequence, she could then teach herself to disregard the false memories.

She found a pleasant memory that existed in different forms in both timelines. It was over two years after Elizabeth's death, and though she still mourned her daughter, T'Pol found that each month it was easier to think of her without a flood of emotions. That setting was present in both recollections of the event.

It was a beach party thrown by the Freali in celebration of a peaceful and successful first contact with humans. In both of her memories, she and Lieutenant Reed were the only personnel to refrain from entering the water. T'Pol declined to swim on the basis that she did not know how, and perhaps someday she would learn, but it would certainly not be in front of most of the _Enterprise_ crew and numerous others. The lieutenant insisted that he could not possibly maintain a thorough security watch while in the water. Doctor Phlox was not an especially proficient swimmer, but that did not stop him from joining the activities by 'wading.'

She had observed her crewmates and their joy. It was a fortunate thing that her people had not restrained human deep space exploration any longer, she reflected, because the universe was a better place for these emotional, exuberant, optimistic people. Yet, in T'Pol's second memory of the event, she was also considering her love for Trip and deep pleasure that they were bonded and married.

In both recollections, a volleyball game was eventually organized. Trip instructed her on the basic rules of the game while Ensign Sato, Captain Archer, and two of the Freali worked out the more subtle variations between human and Freali volleyball. T'Pol was not good at 'serving' the ball, she discovered, but her attempts were not entirely fruitless. Volleyball was played for a long time.

Eventually it was time for them to return to _Enterprise_ and continue on their mission of exploration. The two Freali moons had risen over the tops of the trees and lit the shoreline brightly as they left the planet. Ensign Mayweather decided that he preferred the Freali variation of volleyball over the human version he was familiar with, which pleased their hosts immensely.

Beyond that, however, T'Pol found more in a parallel recollection of the event. That version was more emotional and layered with pleasant significance.

* * *

She and Trip agreed to leave the volleyball game and take a walk. They walked beyond the sandy beach the party took place on and found rocky cliffs which jutted out over the ocean. A metal sign had been driven into the rocks, but the curved Freali letters held no significance for either of them. T'Pol tried to commit them to memory in order to ask Ensign Sato what the sign said.

"Up for a little adventure?" Trip asked, eyeing the largest cliff.

"Do you think it is safe to climb these?" There were no visible signs of danger, such as slippery plants or cracking rocks, but it was her nature to be cautious.

Cautious, however, was not a word that most people immediately associated with her husband. He looked at the cliffs with excitement. "People've been climbin' rocks ta see the ocean forever. Of course it's safe!"

"We have no way to be certain that these particular rocks will be able to support us," she countered.

Trip sighed. "Do they _look_ like they're goin' anywhere?"

"No, but that does not necessarily mean-" the rest of her logical objection was cut off by a tug on her arm. Trip had begun to ascend the cliff and was determined that she should follow. She carefully observed where he placed his feet while marveling at his excitement.

"Safe enough after all?" he teased.

"I would be unable to rescue you if I did not accompany you," replied T'Pol, although he could feel her own bourgeoning sense of wonder.

"Here we are, safe and sound." They took in the view silently. Waves crashed below them into a hollow, echoing and carving the rock away ever further. The ceaseless sound was soothing in a way that T'Pol had not anticipated.

The sun began to sink into the horizon as they sat down on the rocks. Softly, the breeze ruffled their hair and brought the scent of salt water to their noses. In the distance sea creatures leapt towards the sky.

"Look at the dolphins!" exclaimed Trip.

"Dolphins?" she replied. "Your continual classification of alien animals by human terms would be taken by many Vulcans as a sign of immaturity." To anyone else, T'Pol's comment would have been an insult. To her husband, it was her form of 'teasing.'

"An' you love every immature bit of me," he said, putting his arm around her shoulder.

"Indeed. I believe the phrase is, 'You are stuck with me.'"

"I wouldn't want in any other way."

She pulled her knees up to her chest and relished the cool touch of Trip's arm. "Your dolphins look good in front of the sunset, t'hy'la."

"This from the woman who didn't want to come up here."

"I was mistaken."

"Uh-huh." They were silent as the sun descended below the horizon, enjoying their time together. Suddenly Trip looked up. "The first star, T'Pol!"

She followed the trajectory of his finger. "I see it. We should be able to see _Enterprise_ soon."

"Make a wish."

"What?"

"You wish on the first star you see."

"I cannot do that."

"Why?"

His frustration melted away with her response. "Because I have nothing left to wish for."

* * *

There was no empirical method by which to measure her memories and determine which version of the events was false. One set of memories could be as easily fabricated as another. T'Pol wanted to find something that would validate Trip's claims that this was the "real world."

She considered the morning after Ensign Sato's twenty-seventh birthday party. Chef had served oatmeal and fruit for breakfast. In both her recollections of the event, Trip gave an overly dramatic sigh and eyed the oatmeal suspiciously. He considered the cereal inedible until it had turned a light shade of tan from the generous quantity of brown sugar he stirred in. She had eaten half her own bowl before Trip began his. The actual events in her memories were identical.

In one, however, she could feel Trip's love and admiration radiating through their well-nurtured bond, as well as his annoyance at being served plain oatmeal. The other memory of the event allowed her to feel only the vibrancy with which he was alive; carefully maintained mental shields kept the rest from her.

Trip claimed that they were married, but T'Pol still searched for validation. It was only logical to seek proof.

Quite suddenly she realized that Trip himself validated his claims. The love, respect, admiration, concern, and a myriad of other emotions that she felt in some memories were the same that she felt now. Though Trip was asleep, she could sense his emotions clearly. There was nothing held back between a bonded couple, and it was only her relationship with Trip that had been altered in some memories. Validation of an empirical variety she might never find, but her bond with Trip felt right. She simply _knew_, and wondered if this would qualify as an epiphany.

"You've got it just about all figured out now," said Trip suddenly, appearing in his pajamas in her meditation space.

"I'm sorry if I disturbed you."

"You didn't. I just woke up."

"Our relationship was the only variable in my memories. Once I determined that our bond as it was in one set of memories was the same as it is now, I discovered the key to discerning which memories were fabricated and which were real."

"I knew you'd find a way to figure it out."

"No, Trip. We did this together, just as you promised."

He smiled. "I have something to show you. I hadn't thought of it in years." With great concentration, he brought them to a playground on Earth. "I was fourteen."

A girl of about the same age smiled at another boy before walking away. Once she was out of hearing range, the boy grinned. "Sorry, Tucker. Some guys have it, an' some don't. You just don't. But I'm sure you'll find _someone_."

"I was devastated then," said Trip, returning them to the pristine white space T'Pol preferred. "Tommy told me I was never gonna get a smart, pretty girl."

She waited for him to reveal the meaning of this memory, which he did after exhaling. "I was just thinkin' about how wrong he was."

"I cherish every moment spent with you, t'hy'la. You are my beloved."

"I love you with all my soul," he replied. "An' when you woke up thinkin' I was dead, it broke my heart."

"Has your heart healed from this trauma?"

"It has now," he replied.

Empirical evidence could only be secondary to evidence of the heart where Trip was concerned, T'Pol decided. It was somehow quite…logical.


End file.
